Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
being pregnant is like rehab
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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