Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're using joints as your birthday candles
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
