I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
