allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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