i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
