kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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