i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
