Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
