So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
