he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need a burrito and a hug.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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