I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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