i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
