I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
