You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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