Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
