Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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