Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
