Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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