I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my shit smells like andre
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize