He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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