Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
