I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
