I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
