The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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