put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
