I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
