fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
