She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
