She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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