Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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