for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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