I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
