Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
