Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
