I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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