Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
