you traded sex for a burrito?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
