I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How does it feel to date your dad?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
