I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
