Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
