Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
