I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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