five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
