you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize