Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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