hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
be right there i have to get my cape
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
