so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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