Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
