wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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