She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
