We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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