I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
