and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
