are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
