I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
