So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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