His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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