So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
