i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
