today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
