do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
