I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize
