you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
