Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize